Asking for Phone Number

We live in a society that is both more open and more frightened than any that has ever existed before. In the United States, the idea of the chaperone has become a quaint part of our history. What we’ve forgotten is that a chaperone served a very distinct purpose: A chaperone allowed two people to get together, while keeping an eye on things. Sure, you couldn’t hold hands, or kiss, or — heaven forbid — do anything more intimate without being tsk-tsked to kingdom come, but it also meant that you didn’t have to worry about improper or uncomfortable advances or fret that your date would interpret your intentions as less than honorable. Having a chaperone along on a date may have felt restrictive, but it also meant safety. Today that restriction — and that safety — are gone. Now you’re faced with the same urge to merge but with few guidelines and no one, other than yourself, for protection.

If the two of you are ever going to have a date, you have to be able to connect. Of course, you could agree to meet on a specific street corner or at a party or restaurant or after a class. But sooner or later, it will occur to one of you that being able to get in touch if plans should change would be nice — and that means a more personal way to connect, and that means a phone number. Getting a phone number means that the two of you have moved from being strangers to at least being acquaintances, and that can be a very large and somewhat scary first step. To compound the problem, men and women have different senses of times and different sensibilities. Men often feel they have to ask for a number even when they have no interest, and women often feel they have to give out a number even if they have no interest. To help you, this chapter covers how to both get and give a phone number — with the minimum wear and tear on both of you. It also covers what to say during the call, and if you’re hesitant to hand out your home phone number, you can also find phone number alternatives.