What about sex on the first date?

On a first date, sex should be out of the question. You’re just getting to know each other, emotions are running hot, your head may be swimming in infatuation hormones — not an ideal time to take such a dramatic physical and emotional step. Which is what sex really is.
There are several really compelling reasons not to have sex on a first date:

• Health: In addition to AIDS, there are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs, running rampant out there: chlamydia, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes (a virus you’re stuck with for life). Another STD you don’t hear too much about is hepatitis C, an incurable virus that causes a liver infection.
• Translation: Sex doesn’t always mean the same thing to men and women. You may think it’s no big deal but your partner is mentally picking out china patterns. You simply need more than one date to make sure you’re both headed in the same direction.
• Exposure: On nearly every level, sex is about exposure. You’re (at least partially) naked. You’re opening your body and a piece of your soul to another person. Major stuff, not to be entered into lightly.
• Intimacy: Sex is a very intimate act. Even if it feels more physical to you, it’s a primal union that opens up all sorts of emotional nooks and crannies you may not even know you had. The intimacy of sexuality is a powerful, loving, amazing thing. It’s to be nurtured and cherished, not taken lightly.

Religion Topics in Dating

If the word “Christmas” or “Hanukkah” slips out while you’re relaying a funny family story, so be it. If the Bible or the Torah or a Jehovah’s Witness brochure slips out while you reach for your wallet, that’s a bit over-the-top. Religion and your relationship (or non-relationship) with whomever you may or may not believe in is your own business — at least for now. You don’t want to put your date on the spot. If your date puts you on the spot by asking, say, whether you believe in God, simply change the subject by asking her whether she believes O. J. was guilty.

Talking About Your Exes

If you’re not over your ex enough to avoid mentioning him or her on a first date, you’re not ready to date. Even if you were married to Jack or Jackie the Ripper, or dated Jack or Jackie Kennedy, let past relationships come up naturally another time. Talking about a former lover dredges up a c word even more feared than commitment: comparison. Who wants to start off a relationship wondering if you measure up? Or worse, whether you’ll ever be able to erase the sins of another? Besides, on a first date, three is always a crowd.

Sex Topics in Dating

Even if sex is the first thing on your mind, let it be the last thing on your lips. This covers past, present, and future sexual encounters (both real and virtual). Ditto your sex drive, appetite, and online liaisons. Talking about sex before you know someone fairly well is not only threatening, but it’s also confusing. “What did he mean by that?” “Is she coming on to me?” The last thing you want on a first date is ambiguity. You’re trying to build trust here, not test it. Even animals know there’s a ritual involved before mating. Don’t try to short circuit eons of evolution on a first date. (Which is not to say that your date has to seem like opening day at Celibates Anonymous?