Go to a place that’s easy to get to

Long car, bus, train, and — God forbid — plane trips may be fun once you get to know one another, but for a first date, it’s really risky. Although these trips have occasionally worked out as a way for two people to get to know one another (at least you can talk), you run the risk of using up your tolerance for one another before you arrive at your destination, and then, boy, are you both stuck. If you’d just gotten to know each other in smaller doses, however, you may have been okay.

Go where you can talk without getting thrown out

I know America’s favorite date is a movie, but if you talk in a movie, I will personally come and haunt you. Not only is it rude to the other customers, but it puts your date in the awkward position of either siding with the people who are trying to shush you, or talking with you and getting the usher to evict you both. See the section “Good places for a first date,” later in this chapter, for a list of places that are cheap and fun and where you two can chat happily away. When in doubt, take a walk.

Do something that doesn’t require new clothes

New clothes are often uncomfortable, and can unexpectedly bunch, rip, or gap. Besides, why add the worry about spilling red wine on your new outfit to the other stress of a first date? Why worry about clothes when there are more important things to worry about, like the broccoli between your front teeth or whether your date really likes you or is just being polite. Wear your happy, easy-to-wear, good luck, appropriate-to-wear clothes. If I ran the world, I’d make sure that on first dates, everyone would wear his or her oldest, most comfy clothes; women would not shave their legs; men would not buy new after-shave; and all men and women would be who they really are, right from the get-go. Obviously, I’m not in charge. Shoes should always be shined, cuffs unfrayed, and everything neat and clean — not rigid, new, starched, and impressive.

Pick an activity that you can easily afford

Don’t try and snow somebody on the first date by spending gobs of money. First of all, how do you keep that type of spending up? The dangers of throwing money around are that it makes you look cheap later, when you scale back your spending to accommodate your budget, and you never know whether your date likes you or your wallet. Also consider your date’s finances before suggesting an exclusive new restaurant, any formal event, dinner and dancing, or a weekend for two in the Bahamas. Even if you are footing the bill, you don’t want your date to feel like she’s out of your league. I have a friend who likes to rent a limo and take first dates to the opera and then out for a fancy dinner. All this works out to a $500 first date. Then he wonders why women are always using him. Puh-leeeze. It’s much better to start small and build so that your date assumes you’re more invested in both of you together instead of showing off.

Pick an activity that you enjoy

A first date should be something that you like to do. Do not pick something you hate just because you think your partner will enjoy it. Although this may be a good strategy later on, the goal during the first date is to set the tone. If you choose something you like, at least you have that in common with your date (presuming, of course, that your date accepted the invitation because he or she likes the activity, too). If your date hates the idea, hopefully he or she will say something like “I really would like to spend time with you, but I hate jazz” or “I’m allergic to Chinese food” or “I get claustrophobic (car sick or whatever) in submarines.”
Picking something you enjoy has a few advantages: First, it ensures that at least one person will be having a good time. Second, it offers an insight into who you are — you know, that honesty thing. Third, it means that you’ve set the stage for something you can afford — since only a phony or a masochist or a nincompoop would break his or her own bank on a first date.

First Things First

First date magic . . . flowers and chocolates, pin-striped suits and off-the shoulder dresses, cologne, waxed legs, champagne, linen tablecloths, romantic music, candlelight, violins, laughter over lobster . . .

AAARGH!

If this is how you envision a first date, add “disappointment,” “ulcers,” “financial ruin” to your list, because you’re setting yourself up for disaster. The ideal first date should let you get to know the other person and let other person get to know you, without doing irreparable damage to your nervous system — or bank account or stomach lining — in the process. A first date may never be a relaxing experience (after all, no matter how down-to-earth you are, you’ll still worry about the broccoli in your teeth), but it doesn’t have to be ulcer material either. This section outlines the rules. In fact, these rules are so basic, they sound silly, but you’d be surprised how often they’re disregarded, with dire consequences. So a word to the To make your first date as comfortable as possible, follow the ten rules outlined in the following sections. Doing so will increase the probability that you’ll have fun — not teeth-clenching, knuckle-biting, stomach-hurting that may (or may not) get you to either date two or heavy sedation.

Rules for getting, giving, and using phone numbers

The following are the rules for getting, giving, and using phone numbers:

• If you want a number, ask and be willing to offer your own. _ If you don’t want to see the person again, don’t ask for a number and don’t give a number.
• If you’re not sure, build a time frame into your response so that nobody is sitting around waiting for you to call.
• Exchanging phone numbers is the fun, easy part, so relax a bit and don’t get too involved before you’ve even had a first date. It’s not worth the stomach acid.
• Calling and hanging up is not okay; neither is driving by. All states now have anti-stalking laws, and they are enforced.

Playing games can get you into serious trouble, so don’t be silly here. Plus, caller ID has made hang-ups traceable. You don’t need police on your doorstep as part of your dating experience. In a nutshell, a phone is quicker than pony express, less traumatic than a telegram, more personal than e-mail, more fun than smoke signals, and the first major step toward moving from strangers to something much bigger and better.