Signs of Hot Kisses

First kisses are so loaded with possibility, expectation, sexuality, sensuality, tenderness, and emotion, it’s a wonder people don’t explode on the spot. Before you get to the door, or to the moment of truth, I want you to make sure your date is sending all the right signals that he or she is ready to take your relationship to level two.
Her signs
You can tell that a woman is interested in a kiss if

• She’s facing you, arms down, body relaxed.
• Her head is tilted upward.
• She doesn’t appear to be ending the date with some definitive remark like, “Thanks. I’ll call you.”
• Her lips are parted.
• She gazes into your eyes.

If she’s not interested, she’ll

• Clamp her jaw shut.
• Fumble for her keys.
• Won’t look you in the eye.
• Glue her chin to her chest.
• Hold out her hand and say, “Thanks.”

His signs
A guy looking forward to a little lip action will

• Position his body between you and the door.
  
• Act nervous.

• Show no visible signs of leaving or ending the date.
• Tilt his head upward.
• Lick his lips.

If he’s not interested, he’ll

• Walk you directly to your door or car, without hesitation.
• Keep his hands in his pockets.
• Look at his feet.
• Avoid eye contact at all costs.

Remember, kissing is not a mandatory end to every date. You can hug, shake hands, wave at each other. There are other perfectly acceptable alternatives. It’s your date, and you can kiss if you want to . . . or not kiss if you don’t.

How to kiss?

A first kiss, whether you’re 15 or 50, is thrilling, sweet, nerve-wracking, intimate, awkward, and incredibly vulnerable — all in the first five seconds. Forget about what you’ve seen in the movies (show biz kisses are well-rehearsed —mostly so the kissers don’t cover up each other’s faces) or on stage (actors sometimes skip the lips and kiss between the lower lip and the chin to preserve the actress’ lipstick!). You’ll bump noses and knock teeth and giggle nervously as well as feel tingly all over — which is all perfectly okay. Though there is no “right” way to kiss, here are a few pointers to help you successfully land a lip-lock:

• Check out your date’s body language. Some signs your date is kiss-ready: head tilted up, eye contact, uncrossed arms, body facing you.
• As soon as you decide to go for it, do it. Hovering near some girl or guy’s lips will only make both of you freak out.
• Maintain eye contact on the way to your date’s lips. Don’t shut your eyes until you arrive, or you may get lost on the way.
• Start gently. Press your lips sweetly against your date’s. Save the tongue action for later.
• Pull back. Gaze into your date’s eyes. If it’s a go, you’ll know by the way he or she looks longingly back at you. If not, smile and say goodnight, and your face will be nicely saved.
• The second lip-press is when you can go French. This means tongue. This doesn’t mean gagging your date or thrusting home or swallowing his or her tongue as soon as it darts into your mouth. Instead, gingerly part your lips and venture forth. A light, flickering touch with your tongue can produce major results. The tongue is a cluster of nerve-endings. Imagine “caressing” your date’s tongue and lips and mouth.
• Don’t overdo it. Variety — kissing the eyelashes, neck, nibbling on the lips — is the spice that flavors all great kissing.

Analyzing kiss

According to Boston College professor William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, there are 25 different ways to smooch. 25! There’s the eye kiss, the wet kiss, the butterfly, the friendly, and the ever-popular lip-o-suction. That’s just naming a few. Unless you plan to end your date with a “see ya” peck on the cheek, it’s important to know the difference between a quick kiss, a serious kiss, and seriously making out:

• Handshake: If your date extends his or her hand instead of lips, it means one of two things: One, he or she is trying to do the right (as in respectful) thing and not move too fast. Two, the moment is awkward, and your date isn’t sure what to do. A handshake isn’t necessarily a brush-off. A kiss-off is a brush-off. If you want more, try a gentle, friendly hug and see what happens.
• Hug: Since your entire body is involved, a hug can be the gateway to more intimacy. It’s also what Uncle Wally and Aunt Mildred do to you just before they pinch your cheeks. The duration of the hug determines what happens next. If it’s a quick body-pressing, take it as the equivalent of a quick kiss (see the next item). If your date holds you close, and you like it, a simple tilt of the head and, voilá, you’re in perfect kissing position.
  
• Quick kiss: Quick kisses are everywhere. People who barely know one another quick kiss on the cheek when they meet. In France, the doublecheek quick kiss is part of the national identity. If your date leans forward at the end of your time together and quick kisses you on the cheek, say a quick goodbye. Though a major smooch session may be coming later, it’s the last thing on your date’s mind tonight. If, on the other hand, your date quick kisses you hello, especially if it’s more sweet than scary or sexy, you’re picking up on some fairly serious chemistry.
• Serious kiss: This is a kiss you can see coming. Your date has been preparing the proper approach in his or her mind, and there’s a thrilling tingle of anticipation in the air. A serious kiss is one of intention. It’s sensual more than sexual and takes time when done properly. A serious kiss is one of the best signs that your date can’t wait to see you again.
  
• Making out: All about lust, making out is an earnest lip-lock intended as a prelude to something more — not always sex . . . though the promise and possibility of sex are definitely part of the scene. Making out is characterized by a full-body experience. Your lips are only the initiators. Making out uses the hands, hot breath on the neck, bodies pressed together. Warning: Don’t make out with a date you don’t want to see again. It sends out a mixed message, as well as a mess of hormones that have nowhere to go.

In general, men view kissing as a prelude to the main event: sex. For men, a woman who kisses well promises to be a tiger in the sack, too. Women often see kissing as a perfectly good activity in and of itself, rather than a means to an end. Women could kiss all night, and then say goodnight without feeling “cheated” out of sex. For women, a guy who’s a “great kisser” is a guy who takes his time, a guy who’s capable of love as well as lust.

The Kiss Question

Speaking of intimacy . . . the all-important question looming large at the end of almost every date is as simple and as complicated as two pair of lips. Should we kiss?
Kissing is an intimate act — at least, intimate kissing is. You’re literally opening up to someone. Your eyes are (usually) closed, and your neck is exposed. Physically (and primally), it’s a very vulnerable position. Emotionally, it’s incredibly vulnerable. How many folks have lain awake at night, dreamily remembering their date’s kiss?
A college friend of mine once confided that if she kissed a man, she’d sleep with him. I was shocked at such a confession, until she explained it further. Kissing is such an intimate act, she said, perhaps the most intimate act, that she’d never kiss someone unless she was ready to go all the way. Others feel kissing is foreplay, and lots of folks like kissing all by itself.

Ten signs it’s a disaster date

Your date:

1. Goes to the bathroom and never returns.
2. Stiffs you with the bill after ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.
3. Sits at another table.
4. Flirts with the waiter or waitress.
5. Says, “I just forgot, my father’s having surgery,” “I’m having a root canal,” or “I’m taking final vows,” when you suggest getting together again.
6. Asks to borrow your car keys and doesn’t return.
7. Asks to practice your signature and then steals your credit card.
8. Calls a parent to come pick them up without telling you.
9. Calls the police.
10. Buys an attack dog.

Ending a disastrous date

If you don’t want to see each other again, don’t say you’ll call. If you’re bored to tears, don’t say, “Yeah, that would be fun,” when your date suggests a follow-up day at the beach. It’s icky, it’s awkward, it’s painful, it makes your forehead sweat, but honesty is ultimately the best way to go. If you have no intention of seeing what’s behind date number two, say it now. Be polite, be firm, be honest, be brave. Do the right thing. You can say, “I’ll be busy for the next six months,” “I feel a migraine coming on,” or “I’m taking final vows on Thursday.” They’ll get the message. Just don’t say, “I’ll call” or “Maybe we can do this again” if you have no desire to do either.

• Don’t say you’ll call, fax, e-mail, beep. It’s not nice to be dishonest about what you intend to do.
• Don’t have sex. The reason is pretty obvious, right?

Ending so-so date

Sometimes you’re not sure how you feel until the excitement dies down and real-life takes over and you regain your perspective. That’s perfectly fine. Just ’fess up. Tell your date you had a good time, your head is spinning, and you need a little time to sort out your feelings. It may sound a tad insensitive, but it’s much better than the “Hey, baby, I’ll call you” line if you’re really not sure you will.
If your date says to you he or she needs a few days to digest it all, smile sweetly, say “Great” and go home. Not go phone. Simply go home and live your life. Remember, a watched phone never rings.
So if you’re not sure about the date:

• Wait for follow-up — but live your life: Don’t spend all your time waiting next to the phone.
• Give yourself a week or so to ponder: Upon reflection, the scales usually tip one way or the other.
• Don’t have sex: If you’re not sure how you feel about the date, you are definitely not ready to have sex.