If you’d like to see the person again

If you’re interested and want to stay in touch, give out your number, but also get the other person’s number. If you only give your number and don’t get a ing for a call. So make a deal. Say, “I’d love for you to have my number, and I’d love to have yours as well.” Exchanging numbers has the following benefits:

• You can give the other person a jingle if he/she doesn’t call on your timetable.
• You don’t have to be passive or nasty, just a co-equal. No more waiting around for a call, and no more fuming because you never heard from Prince or Princess Charming again.
• If the person turns out to be a bozo, you have something to fantasize about pasting on bathroom walls — “For a good time, call. . . .” (But don’t do it! Paybacks can be really harsh.)

Giving Your Phone Number

You’ve been enjoying the conversation (or not), have been flattered by the attention (or not), and now you’re in the spotlight: Your phone number has been requested or his/her phone number has been offered. Now, whether you’re wildly euphoric or praying that the floor will open and swallow you whole, you have to respond.
If someone wants to contact you, you may be tempted to give your phone number for these reasons:

• You want him or her to get in touch.
• You’re not sure that you’re interested, but you want to keep your options open.
• You wouldn’t spit on him if he were on fire, but you don’t want to appear rude.

The following sections help you maneuver gracefully through these scenarios.

When not to “cell”?

Somehow cell phones have allowed folks to forget basic manners and common sense. If the following list of times not to use cell phones doesn’t seem absurdly obvious and straightforward to you, you need a basic attitude adjustment. If the list seems like silly fun and you suspect that my tongue is parked firmly in my cheek — bingo!
_ At a wedding
_ At a funeral
_ At the altar
_ On a date
_ During sex
_ In the shower
_ When comforting someone who is crying
_ When celebrating birthdays or anniversaries
_ When breaking up
_ When making up

You’re not interested in the other person, but you feel it’s expected of you to ask for a number

If you’re not interested, don’t ask for the number. If you ask for a number, the assumption is that you intend to use it. Don’t spread misery like peanut butter. If you have absolutely no interest in the other person and have no intention of calling, just don’t ask.
Men especially feel that not asking for a phone number is really rude, but if you can just confine yourself to “See you around” or “Nice seeing you again,” you’ll spare yourself and the other person some wear and tear.

Advice from the animal kingdom

Yes, even at our most well-behaved, we’re still animals — human animals, but animals nonetheless. As a result, the same rules that apply to the larger animal kingdom sometimes apply to us. Lionel Tiger, an anthropology professor who has done a lot of work on animal behavior, reports that, to show that their intentions are honorable, animals bare their necks, the most vulnerable part of any animal’s body. Where do you think we got the phrase “Go for the jugular (vein)”? And you thought it came from a Dracula movie. Therefore, the best way to show how honorable your intentions are is to bare your neck metaphorically:
In other words, to get a phone number, offer your own.

You want to keep your options open

In a perfect world, you could actually say, “I’m not sure I want to call you, but, what the heck, give me your number just in case.” Of course, a line like that isn’t exactly flattering. You’re probably better served by expressing an interest but giving yourself an out by saying something like this:

“Look, I’d really love to call you, but I’m . . . (pick one)

really busy at work
traveling a lot
getting out of a relationship
covered with herpes
feeling poorly (not poor, which means you’re in the midst of pecuniary strangulation)
scheduled for surgery
about to be drafted
so.” (Of course, if you use the herpes line, don’t expect them to be too enthusiastic.)

When you take this approach, you’re not misleading anyone or setting the other person up to hang by the phone waiting for you to call. You’re simply keeping your options open without doing so at someone else’s expense. If you’re feeling really ambivalent about asking for a phone number, you can always offer yours, saying, “Why not take my number?” Then if the other person calls, you can go out on his or her nickel and enthusiasm. After all, all of us like to be courted.

You want to get in touch with the person

When you know you want to call someone, obviously you need to ask for the phone number. One of the best ways to approach getting someone else’s number is to demonstrate your good faith and to show that you’re not Jack or Jacqueline the Ripper:

• Smile, talk softly, and make eye contact.
• Ask for the number in a friendly, nonthreatening way. For example, instead of saying, “So, can I have your number?” try something like, “I’d really like to stay in touch. Is there a number where I can reach you?” Giving out your phone number if you want to is certainly okay, but doing so puts you in the position of waiting for his call. The best way to offset this position of passivity is to ask for his number as well. Or you can take his and not give yours. (Of course, if you have no intention of calling him, don’t ask for the number. It’s just as nasty for you to ask for his number and not call as it is for him to ask for your number and then not call you.)
• Offer your own number. Offering your number is a great way to deflect suspicion by putting the proverbial ball in the other person’s court. Offering rather than asking also allows you to be vulnerable first. You can win sensitivity points by saying, “Look, I know these days, a gorgeous woman like you has to be careful, so if you would prefer, I can give you a way to get in touch with me. I’d love to court you the old-fashioned way and call you, but I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by asking you to give me your number if you’re not ready.”