Sunday, January 27, 2008

When you’re confident enough to date

Nobody feels sure about every part of his life, and all of us feel most insecure about dealing with the opposite sex because we feel vulnerable and really want things to go well. So don’t put off dating until you feel really, really sure of yourself, because you’ll find that, by then, you’re 90 years old. Just try to bolster your confidence enough so that you’re not whiny or so incredibly needy that you’re falling apart Sweaty palms and dry mouth and a bit of anxiety are okay. You want to know how much anxiety is okay and how much is too much, right? Not an unreasonable request since dating really can drain the confidence banks. If you’re feeling really rocky on your feet, stabilize before you venture forth. Don’t wait till everything is ducky, although ducky times are the very best times to get yourself out there. Clinging to someone for dear life isn’t sexy or stable enough to work for any length of time, and the only people you’ll attract in times of trouble are control freaks who really want and need to call all the shots. Also, don’t look for a parent figure or someone as a crutch to lean on when you’re starting the dating game, or you will find that dating is not at all fun and not a game but a desperate bid for survival. You’re ready to date if
  • You’ve got a stable place to live and a way to make a living.
  • You have a reasonably good working relationship with your parents (okay, so long as you’re not at war; a cease fire is good enough).
  • You have a friend or two hanging about.
  • You know how to make yourself reasonably happy.
  • You’d really like some tension and aggravation and excitement and fun and worry and uncertainty in your life.
If you can answer yes to the preceding conditions, well, bunkie, sounds like you’re ready. If you haven’t passed muster in any of the preceding, it’s time to work on your life and put off dating temporarily. If nothing else, having accomplished these things will give you a nearly giddy sense of confidence, and that’s not only the name of this chapter, but the name of the game.

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