Friday, April 30, 2010

How to Exit with Style?

The moment has arrived. You’ve finally faced up to the ugly truth: You’d both rather be anywhere but together, and a root canal is sounding better by comparison. Resist the temptation to duck out the back, make a mad dash for the door, or order a cab instead of dessert. The true measure of your soul is how you handle disaster. We can all be classy when the going is good. True style and honor come from handling bad situations well. Don’t worry. You don’t have to sit there and imagine gnawing your foot off so you can escape the trap. You can call this one off — but do it with panache. Say:
  • “Let’s skip coffee and chalk this up to experience.”
  • “I’m ready to call it a night. You?”
  • Can I give you a lift home?” (No need to be ugly.)
  • “I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
  • “Let’s toast this valiant effort and get the check.”
Again, don’t lie. Don’t say you’ll call. Don’t say you had a great time when you didn’t. Just end the date quickly and cleanly.

What to do if your date went wrong?

So there you are. Sitting across from your date, or next to him or her, or in the bathroom staring at your reflection, afraid to face the truth. Don’t. Face it. If you feel unhappy and sense that your date is miserable, too, denial only makes matters worse. Instead, do this:
  • Trust your instincts. If it feels all wrong, it probably is — even if both of you are smiling and making nice.
  • Ask. There’s nothing wrong with asking your date whether what you’re sensing is actually the truth. I wouldn’t go so far as to blurt out, “Do you hate me as much as I hate you?” but asking if the discomfort in the air is real is really a good start.
  • ’Fess up. If your date is having as lousy a time as you are, he or she may ask you what’s the matter. Tell the truth. Admit that things aren’t zipping along as well as you’d hoped and ask if your date feels the same way.
  • Let it be. Now is not the time to muse over what’s going wrong. If there’s no spark, this date’s never going to jump-start, no matter how carefully you peer under the hood.

Total turnoffs in dating

Although, theoretically, loathe at first sight should be no more or less common than love at first sight, loathing isn’t always a slow-build. Here are ways to completely turn each other off in an instant:

_ Neglecting to shower
_ Eating like a pig
_ Dressing like a hooker
_ Talking only about yourself
_ Abusing the waiter or clerk
_ Whining
_ Drinking too much
_ Showing up stoned
_ Talking about sex
_ Insulting each other
_ Insulting anybody else
_ Acting superior
_ Being a bigot
_ Copping a feel
_ Taking your shoes off in the car

If you discover that you really can’t stand the person you’re with — and you have a pretty good idea that the feeling is mutual — face the moment of truth without wasting another moment of your precious life.