Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Kiss Question

Speaking of intimacy . . . the all-important question looming large at the end of almost every date is as simple and as complicated as two pair of lips. Should we kiss?
Kissing is an intimate act — at least, intimate kissing is. You’re literally opening up to someone. Your eyes are (usually) closed, and your neck is exposed. Physically (and primally), it’s a very vulnerable position. Emotionally, it’s incredibly vulnerable. How many folks have lain awake at night, dreamily remembering their date’s kiss?
A college friend of mine once confided that if she kissed a man, she’d sleep with him. I was shocked at such a confession, until she explained it further. Kissing is such an intimate act, she said, perhaps the most intimate act, that she’d never kiss someone unless she was ready to go all the way. Others feel kissing is foreplay, and lots of folks like kissing all by itself.

Ten signs it’s a disaster date

Your date:
  1. Goes to the bathroom and never returns.
  2. Stiffs you with the bill after ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.
  3. Sits at another table.
  4. Flirts with the waiter or waitress.
  5. Says, “I just forgot, my father’s having surgery,” “I’m having a root canal,” or “I’m taking final vows,” when you suggest getting together again.
  6. Asks to borrow your car keys and doesn’t return.
  7. Asks to practice your signature and then steals your credit card.
  8. Calls a parent to come pick them up without telling you.
  9. Calls the police.
  10. Buys an attack dog.

Ending a disastrous date

If you don’t want to see each other again, don’t say you’ll call. If you’re bored to tears, don’t say, “Yeah, that would be fun,” when your date suggests a follow-up day at the beach. It’s icky, it’s awkward, it’s painful, it makes your forehead sweat, but honesty is ultimately the best way to go. If you have no intention of seeing what’s behind date number two, say it now. Be polite, be firm, be honest, be brave. Do the right thing. You can say, “I’ll be busy for the next six months,” “I feel a migraine coming on,” or “I’m taking final vows on Thursday.” They’ll get the message. Just don’t say, “I’ll call” or “Maybe we can do this again” if you have no desire to do either.
  • Don’t say you’ll call, fax, e-mail, beep. It’s not nice to be dishonest about what you intend to do.
  • Don’t have sex. The reason is pretty obvious, right?