Things to tell if asked or pushed

The preceding sections outline the type of information you should share at some point in the relationship. But what about the information that you’re not obligated to share but have been asked for? You know the type of questions: the ones — like “How many relationships have you been in?” — that come out when you least expect it and leave you sputtering in your dessert. Do you avoid answering? Subtly change the subject? Look at your date like it’s none of his or her business (which it isn’t, really)? Or just ’fess up? Although historical accuracy isn’t required in answering a question like this — in other words, you can avoid giving too much detail (think of Andie MacDowell’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral) — if you stonewall completely, you’re likely to make your date think you have something to hide. So the best answer is to give a brief history — more or less what you’d put on an entry in who’s who in American dating circles — and then move on without editorial comment that includes who, how long, how many, or preferred positions. Some questions are so hard to answer that you really should feel compelled to answer only if you’re pushed — that is, if your date won’t let the subject drop and not answering is likely to hurt the relationship more than a tactful but honest answer would. Some questions that fall into this category are

• Why didn’t you have an orgasm?
• What is wrong with me?
• Why don’t you like my friend?