Monday, January 31, 2011

Getting to Know You

The info-exchange process on a second date is fun and exciting and interesting and a bit tricky. Unlike a first date, which is pretty superficial, a second date delves a little deeper. You already know you like each other enough to find out more. How much more remains to be seen. For now, you want to be vulnerable enough to let your date see who you really are without showing all your warts at once. (A wart or two is okay.) You want your date to feel comfy enough to share a wart or two with you.
To get the good stuff, you’ve got to give it. Trust me — your date won’t open up if you just sit there with your arms crossed. Though a second date usually shifts the conversational focus away from you and onto your date, striking a balance between being a good listener and an interesting and sincere talker is crucial — and not always easy or comfortable right away. First, know your personality type before the second date even starts. Are you the strong, silent type? A Chatty Cathy? Knowing who you are can help you tone down your natural tendency to clam up or blab on and on.
Second, periodically gauge how things are going. Here are some basic rules:
  • If you feel you know everything about your date and your date knows nothing about you, it’s time to open up.
  • If your date has been nodding for the past hour, it’s time to hush up.
  • If your time together seems more like a stand-up routine than a conversation, take a deep breath and focus on getting more insight, less laughs.
  • If your date sounds more like a job interview than a chat, it’s time to get a bit more personal.
  • If your date blushes each time you ask him or her a question, it’s time to get less personal.
  • If the conversation on your second date keeps grinding to a screeching halt, ask yourself if it’s you or your date. One of you is uncomfortable. It’s okay to flat-out say, “We had such fun the last time we went out. Is something making you uncomfortable?” If the answer is no and the conversation still limps along, you may be looking at a second, and final, date.

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