Looking at every dater’s fears

Everyone who dates feels anxiety or stress sooner or later (usually sooner). After all, dating isn’t meant to be boring. In earlier sections, I explain the source of stress and give you techniques for coping with it. In this section, I identify the fears experienced by anyone who has dallied in the dating world so that you’ll know that you’re not the only one beset by insecurities and worries. Then I give some tips for dealing with these fears.

• I’ll say the wrong thing. If you worry that you’ll say, “I see,” to someone with really bad vision or, “I’m in a really foul mood,” to someone who looks like a duck, or make a Freudian slip or burp or blurt out the wrong name when addressing your date, join the club. It happens all the time. Just take a deep breath, apologize once, and explain that you’re nervous.
• I’ll do the wrong thing. You set your menu on fire by the votive candle or swallow down the wrong pipe and spend the next five minutes choking, gasping, and wiping your eyes; ask an usher for a program only to discover she’s really another audience member who, for some reason, thought wearing a black-collared red vest to a play would be a good idea; or mispronounce the name of something on the menu. Everybody periodically makes mistakes — and sometimes very silly ones. So why obsess about it? Relax. You’re human. If your date is cool about it, it can become part of your lore; if not, aren’t you glad you found out now?
• Broccoli will get stuck in my front teeth. You could avoid smiling all evening just in case, but what’s the fun in that? Run your tongue over your teeth occasionally, check the mirror in the restroom, or don’t order anything green. And relax. Better to take your chances with stuck broccoli rather than fidget all evening, unless you’re dating a broccoli bigot.
• I’ll get an erection. Most women won’t notice, and if your date does, she’ll likely be flattered. Don’t try spilling a glass of water on yourself as a distraction.
• I’ll get my period. Only if you wear white — just kidding. The point is, nerves rev the system. It’s natural and normal. Carry change or protection and don’t sweat it. If you’re worried, wear a panty liner just in case.
• I hate my date. You’re going out because you hope to have a nice time and good company. But what happens if your date turns out to be a huge boor, intolerably arrogant, or — eek! — the spawn of Satan.
• My date hates me. As charming and warm and funny and wonderful as you are, you’re occasionally going to stumble across a few people who just don’t like you. As hard as it may be to imagine, that’s life. If you want tips on extricating yourself from this situation with the minimum of pain.

Regardless of what your fear is, try to put it in perspective and then put it behind you. Even the most embarrassing blunders are seldom fatal. Plus they make great stories later.